Mother's Ways

Someone once gave to Mother small bits of fine paper. Mother used it.. And the next time that person came, she showed and told him: see how I have used your paper.

Naturally he was very happy and went on to share the happy news with others. Very soon people started sending all kinds of paper, blocks after blocks of paper began to pour in. One day someone brought old paper. And Mother was obliged to use that paper first because that would be spoilt earlier. So it was kept on Mother’s table.

I saw it but what could I do? Still I said: Mother, people like to keep your writing and they preserve the papers on which you write to them.. These papers are old. Why not use good paper? You have so many kinds of nice paper. Why not give away these old ones to the Prosperity so that Harikant could give them to people when they ask.

I told this to Mother because I knew very well that she would not like to waste. For her it was difficult to tolerate waste. I saw this from the very beginning. I must say, however, that things changed completely later on. She simply kept quiet when lot of waste went around her. I mean waste of all kinds. However, to come back to the story.

Mother: I know people will not use it if it is issued from the Prosperity. I am sure of it.

C: All right, Mother, I shall take and use it.

She was happy because she was sure that it would not be wasted and that I would make the best use of it.

Speaking of making the best use of things, I remember so many occasions when she showed appreciation of my efforts in this direction.

You know the tissue papers, which she used to use for her face. They were so fine; Mother would give them to me one by one after use. I kept them carefully, trying to find out what best use I could make of them.

One day it struck me that out of each such paper two envelopes for blessings-packets could be prepared. Accordingly I prepared some and showed them to the Mother. She was exceedingly pleased and started using them immediately. For people it had a double significance: the packet carried blessing petals from the Mother and the envelope was prepared out of paper used by her.

For Mother it was not enough to use a thing. She wanted the best use to be made of each thing.

‘Champakalal Speaks’

P. 99,100

Meeting an avadhut

Meeting an avadhut


In 1921, after returning from my first meeting with Sri Aurobindo, I accompanied my father and my aunt Motiben on their pilgrimage to Nashik, Tryambakeshwar, etc. On our way back we visited Chanod and Karnali' where we bathed in the holy Narmada. The stone stairs of the ghat along the river start unusually higher than the level of the water. I was sitting on the topmost stair, enjoying Nature's beauty all around, when suddenly I heard someone singing in a grand but melodious and soothing voice. Two lines of this song specially drew my attention:

The Soul is all, the Soul is all is the refrain;
But who gives up this bodily attachment?
These words were sung again and again, and were infused with
Page-27
________________________________________
such feeling that they could penetrate the listener's heart and awaken his inner consciousness.
The voice came from the window of a house on the riverside. I was attracted to it and felt like going there. While I was wondering which way to go, a student passed by on his way to the ghat. I asked him, "Which way should I go if I wish to meet the singer of this melody?" He said, "It is not possible to go there now. You are extremely fortunate to have heard him sing at this time. He sings only at the evening collective devotional singing; and he never meets anyone, whosoever it may be. But all are allowed to attend the evening singing; that is the only time you will be able to meet him."
C: "What is his name?"
Student: "He calls himself Paagal [Madman], Ghanchakkar [Idiot] etc. His real name is Janardan."
C: "I want to go there; will you show me the way?"
Student: "There is no point in going there now. It will be in vain. Even if you go, he will definitely not open the door."
But I made him show me the way and managed to reach the place on my own. I knocked on the door and at once it was flung open as though he had been waiting just behind it for me. I was astonished to see him; it was the same saint I had met at Jhadeshwar2 — his father was once Kashibhai's secretary! There was a lady beside him and he told her, "Now you see? Hasn't he come?" Turning to me he said, "I saw you sitting there. At this time I rarely open my window and look out, but today I spontaneously opened it and looked to where you were sitting and felt impelled to call you here. I told this lady that the man who is sitting there will soon come, for I am going to call him. Then I sat down with the tanpura. I sang just to bring you here. And see, you have arrived! Otherwise, I never sing at this time."
Then he asked me to attend the collective singing in the evening. My father, aunt and I went there. Some of his melodies were so touching and so simple that they just stuck in my memory:
Abandoning your hankering after earthly tastes,
Echo, 0 tongue, His nectarous Name.
Page-28
________________________________________
Who is Chhagan and who is Magan, who Chandu or Bandu, Mere illusions are these names and forms!

When vairagya has not stung you,
what can your guru do?
When there is no child in the womb,
what can the midwife do?
Thus we saw that he was an impromptu composer. These couplets seem quite ordinary but when he sang them the effect was so powerful that one would forget everything and just sit there. At Jhadeshwar, I had seen Kamala's father spend the whole day in his company. He used to keep a dhuni [a sacred fire tended with pungent herbs etc.] constantly lit in front of him. His massive physique reminded one of Bhimasen of the Mahabharata but his loving and carefree personality captivated everyone. As we were already concentrated on Sri Aurobindo's yoga, his personality did not touch us to that extent, but had I nor already come in contact with Sri Aurobindo, I might have joined him.
To resume the tale of Chandod-Karnali. After he finished singing in the evening he told me, "Come tomorrow to my house at midnight. I will take you to an avadhut [ascetic]. Even if he abuses you or loses his temper and asks you to get out, do not leave." The next night we went to the avadhut. His fair complexion and white beard added to his luminous personality. He was sitting peacefully in front of his dhuni. Smilingly softly at me, he gestured to me to sit near him and asked: "Is it going on constantly this way?" At that time I was following the sadhana given by Sri Aurobindo. I replied, "I am trying." Then he said, " Jumna maiya will fulfil your sankalpa. I can see your Guru behind your head. Jumna maiya will help you attain your goal. I may get a chance to meet you again." He thus welcomed me very nicely and instead of abusing, blessed me.
On our way back, I was shown another sadhu, but from a distance: "That man too is a saint." His dress was in tatters and his actions seemed those of a madman; but he was only pretending to be mad, so that people stayed away from him. He filled a vessel
Page-29
________________________________________
with water from the river and, standing on the last step of the ghat, splashed it all around. I had met this 'mad' sadhu before in a small hut in Jhadeshwar and had been very impressed by his carefree nature. He had spoken a lot about Swami Ramatirth but as we had already met Sri Aurobindo, we enjoyed his company without being overwhelmed. When we first met, he wanted to make me his disciple. But nowadays, when we meet, he introduces me to his disciples as his close friend.


1. Chandod is on a tributary of the Narmada; Karnali, only a few kilometers away, is on the Narmada. It was during a visit to Karnali that Sri Aurobindo had a vision of the World Mother in a Kali temple. He described it in his poem "The Stone Goddess". Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, December 1978, pp. 209- 10.
2. Jhadeshwar is near Bharooch; both are on the estuary of the Narmada.
3. Mother Jamuna or Yamuna - a holy river of North India.

We Arrive

[The following account is based on Champaklal's diary.]

At last, Natwarlal, Kanri and myself arrived at Pondicherry at a.m. on April 1, 1921. Feeling that it was not proper to sit in rickshaws pulled by human beings we did not hire one. We walked the distance from the railway station to the residence of our host Narandas in Mary Street. Though it should have taken only ten minutes, it took us half an hour as we did not know the way. On reaching Narandas's house, we presented to him the letter of introduction given by Motilal Mehta. After we had our bath, we were blandly informed that there was a measles case in the house and so no meals could be served to us. I cooked my own meal, as I always did, and my companions went to Amanivasam.'

My mind was impatierit to See Sri Aurobindo and, though I attended to the daily chores, my attention was fixed there. But when we got ready to set out we were told not to go outdoors between 11.30 a.m. and 3.30 p.m. as it was scorching hot. Even dogs were not allowed to run about in the streets during that time, as it was believed that heatstroke caused rabies. We were told that unless they carried a proper collar, dogs found in the streets at this time were killed by government order.

However, we could not remain confined to the house for long and started out at 1 p.m. and came to the Guest House, where Sri Aurobindo was then staying. There we met Amrita and informed him that we had come from Bharooch in Gujarat. "Babuji is sleeping," he replied (Sri Aurobindo was addressed as 'Babuji' in those days) and told us to come back a little before 5 p.m. We said we would sit there and wait. But he told us that we couldn't sit there and must go back and come at the specified time. We felt dejected.

Then we went to the seashore and, in spite of our depression, found the place beautiful. We sat under a tree and passed some time thinking about Babuji. But we were forced to get up because of ants and went to the pier. Then with our minds still on Sri Aurobindo we went back and sat under another tree. In the cool breeze and peaceful atmosphere we were overpowered by sleep. We woke up at 3.45 p.m. and with our attention once more focussed on Babuji, came back to his temple. We sat in the verandah inside and asked Amrita for some water to drink. It was given and we eagerly quenched our thirst. I may mention here that though it was true that we were thirsty due to the climate, what made us ask for water was the desire to taste the tirtha in Sri Aurobindo's house. After Amrita had gone back we sat on. Some time later he came back and said, "Babuji is busy; I will call you." The call came at ten minutes to five.

Before that, as we were sitting in the verandah, we heard someone coming down the stairs. As soon as his foot touched the floor I spontaneously ran forward. I felt it must be Sri Aurobindo. I touched his lotus feet and prostrated myself in sashtanga dandavat pranam [with feet, trunk, shoulders, palms and head touching the floor like a rod — signifying surrender of the whole being]. Then he proceeded to the courtyard. Later I was to learn from the Mother that it was at a corresponding spot on the first floor that she had first seen Sri Aurobindo; that was at 3.30 p.m. on 29th March 1914. And I had, rather I was granted, the good fortune of meeting him just at that spot.

Page - 9

________________________________________

When we went upstairs Sri Aurobindo was seated in the verandah. I saw nothing except him and when I prostrated before him I lay there for one full hour. I just could not get up. No one disturbed me. At the end of that hour Sri Aurobindo placed his hand on my head, blessed me and said "Tomorrow." Then I got up.

A number of chairs had been placed near the table in front of Sri Aurobindo's chair. We were asked to sit there but we squatted on the floor by his side. He asked us our names and enquired about Dikshitbhai and Punamchandbhai; then he asked me: "Do you know English?" I said I did not. He began in Hindi and asked how we all had come.

C: "A group led by Dikshitbhai walked down from Bharooch to Bilimora and thence we three were sent by train."

Sri Aurobindo: "How long do you wish to stay here?"

C: "As long as you will permit us."

He looked around and smiled. Then he told us to come the next day and added that he would receive us after 4.30 p.m. He got up and we too stood up. He did namaskar and we did the same. Then he started towards his room and we remained standing till he entered it. When Amrita asked us to leave it was almost 6.10, When we left we were in a trance-like condition, our eyes could hardly remain open. No wonder we lost our way. Somehow we reached home, cooked our meal, ate it and, after some polite conversation with Narandas, still thinking of Babuji we fell asleep.

You ask me what were my reactions on my first darshan of Sri Aurobindo. Well, after getting up from my sashtanga dandavat pranam at his feet upstairs, I felt that I had nothing more to do in my life. This feeling itself was evident proof of our having 'arrived'.

The next day (2nd April), we went through the morning duties, had our afternoon rest and got ready to leave around four o'clock, but throughout our thoughts remained centred on Babuji. We reached his house and sat in the verandah downstairs. It was 4.30 but nobody came down and we became impatient for Babuji's darshan. Finally at 4.55 p.m. Amrita came and escorted us upstairs. As soon as we approached Sri Aurobindo we prostrated and our eyes touched his lotus feet. For about fifteen minutes we sat quietly, then the following conversation took place.

Page-10

________________________________________

Sri Aurobindo: "How many people are there at Kashibhai's? " He stopped after uttering Kashibhai's name. The ashram was known as Dikshitbhai' s, not Kashibhai's.

C: "Twenty and a family associated with the ashram there."

Sri Aurobindo: "What are Dikshit and Punamchand doing there?"

C: "Why do you ask that? You know everything."

Sri Aurobindo smiled and almost whispered: "Yes, I know." Then looking round at all sitting there he laughed heartily.

Sri Aurobindo: "What are you doing in yoga?"

C: "I don't know what is yoga. I am practising something taught by Dikshitbhai and Punamchandbhai. "

Sri Aurobindo: "What is the practice you are doing?"

C: "Whatever work I do I offer to the Lord and I offer it through you."

Sri Aurobindo: "How many practise yoga there? Give me their names."

I gave the names.

Sri Aurobindo: "Do you feel anything during this practice?"

C: "Yes, sometimes peace; I see at times light also."

Sri Aurobindo smiled very sweetly. Then he asked: "Yes, but has Dikshit explained to you how to dedicate everything?"

C: "No. He has only told us that we must be complete instruments. "

Sri Aurobindo: "How?"

C: "I don't know."

Sri Aurobindo: "You see, the peace which you feel shows that God is near you. The Light you see suggests that you will be able to meet him in that peace and light. Gradually you will be able to stay in this state."

C: "Sometimes I feel that the light is inside me."

Sri Aurobindo: "It means God is within you. Are you practising this?"

C: "Yes."

Sri Aurobindo remained silent for some time. Then asked "What made you come here?"

I answered in some detail.

Page-11

________________________________________

Sri Aurobindo: "Do they read any papers there?"

C: " I don't know."

Sri Aurobindo: "Do you read the Standard Bearer?"

C: "At times. When I find there something that ought to be practised I note it down."

Sri Aurobindo: "How long did you stay in Bombay?"

C: "Four days."

Sri Aurobindo: "Where did you stay?"

C: "Near Motilal Mehta's bungalow."

Sri Aurobindo: "Now what are you going to do at your place?"

C: "We have not decided yet. We are thinking of doing some farming."

Sri Aurobindo: "Someone went to Chandernagore with Dikshit. Who was that?"

C: "Dwarkanath Harkare who lived in Gandhi Ashram."

Sri Aurobindo: "Who is he?"

C: "A Maharashtrian. " (Harkare had once stayed in our study- home in Patan and taken a keen interest in me.)

It was 6.05 p.m. by now and Sri Aurobindo went into his room saying: "Now, tomorrow."

Now the third day. We got up at 6 a.m. After the day's routine we sat waiting for 4 o'clock. Our hearts were full of expectations and ardent for Babuji's darshan. Today, my mind had decided, there must be a long discussion with Sri Aurobindo; specific questions needed to be asked, and if time was too short, at least one particular one was indispensable. Joy seemed to be overflowing. But time refused to move! A thought came that we could pass the time in sleep! But today that too became difficult; finally, since we were determined, the goddess of Sleep enveloped us. After waking up we got ready quickly and set off. We went to the seashore and after a brief walk reached Babuji's temple at 4.10 p.m. Several times we sent word to Amrita. He would only say: "Babuji will see you at five. You will be called." Thereafter we tried to spend the time in japa and meditation, but it was very difficult to keep waiting. Finally we were called at 5 p.m.

After pranam when Sri Aurobindo started speaking, I said: "Please indulge us by speaking in Gujarati."

Page-12

________________________________________

He laughed and said: "I knew Gujarari when I was in Baroda but now I have forgotten it."

C: "You know everything."

He laughed and laughed.

C: "You can speak at least in Hindi."

Sri Aurobindo: "That too I don't know."

C; "You certainly know Hindi."

And then he spoke in Hindi explaining what is meditation.

During our stay of eight days, several other things happened. Sri Aurobindo asked me to try to see the Divine Shakti of the Lord that is at work everywhere, in everything. When I asked him what books I should read, he told me to read Prakriti Rahasya (Secret of Nature) in Gujarari and Shandilya's Bhakti Sutra. He explained the subject dealt with in Prakriti Rahasya and told me that it was written by a disciple of Motilal Roy of Chandernagore who lived in Navsari.* When I read that book I experienced the awakening in me of something that perceived beauty everywhere.

Once I asked Sri Aurobindo: "When will I have realisation? "

In reply he told me the following story of Narada:

Two devotees were doing their sadhana in a forest for many years. Once when Narada passed by, one of them asked him, "Bhagavan [a form of addressing holy and venerable souls], you are regularly visiting the Lord. Would you kindly ask Him on my behalf when I shall be able to get His darshan?" A little further Narada met the second devotee. He too entreated him to ask the Lord the same question. On his return Narada told the first devotee, "You will see the Lord after as many births as there are leaves on the tree under which you are doing your tapasya." The devotee was utterly disappointed and gave up his sadhana. When Narada met the second devotee and told him the same thing, he felt unbounded joy and began to dance in delight: "Oh, after all I am certain to see the Lord!" The promise filled him with such an intense joy that he lost all sense of self and realised the Lord that very instant.

Thus Sri Aurobindo described to us how the time when we will realise the Divine depends on the one-pointedness and intensity of our aspiration.

When I asked Sri Aurobindo if we could see his room, he

Page-13

________________________________________

smiled, said "Yes", and pointed towards his room. The three of us went inside unescorted. There, on his table, I saw an old pocket- watch. A thought crossed my mind that if I had the means I would get a better watch for his use and request this one for myself. The thought arose and disappeared like a sudden wave. (It had an interesting sequel. One day, after I had settled here and started working with the Mother, she brought that watch and asked me if I would like to keep it. I was amazed but did not answer because I had firmly decided never to take anything from Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, bur to offer whatever I could, All the same she gave it to me.)

We had not decided on which day we would leave Pondicherry. On the eighth day we all felt it to be the last day; for every evening, when we took leave of Sri Aurobindo after being near him for an hour, he used to say, "Now, tomorrow." But this time he said, "Whenever you meet with a difficulty, remember me", and after a pause, "Write to me." So we understood it was the last day. The wonder was that all that we wanted to ask Sri Aurobindo, all that we had to tell him, was over in the first two or three days, and yet every day, when we were leaving he used to say, "Now, tomorrow." This shows how he showered his infinite grace to keep us in his presence for some more days.

What have you given to the Lord?

What have you given to the Lord?




























My father once narrated the story of Krishna and Sudama. I write this only for the moral of the story as he told it to us.



When Sudama goes to meet him, Sri Krishna is overjoyed rushes out to meet Sudama. He embraces his friend lovingly and receives him with great honour. Later he himself gives Sudama a royal bath. Now Sudama's wife had given him some paunva [flattened rice or rice flakes] in a tiny cloth bundle to offer to Lord Krishna, but seeing the opulence there, Sudama is unable to do it. He tries to hide the bundle under his armpit but Sri Krishna snatches it away. Opening it he takes a handful of paunva and eats it; then he eats a second. But as he is about to put a third handful in his mouth Queen Satyabhama holds his hand and stops him. She says, "Lord, with the first handful You turned his hut into a palace, with the second You gave him riddhi-siddhi [prosperity and attainments] ; if You take this one You Yourself will have to go to him."



The moral is that even if the Lord wants, until Sudama himself offers Him something, He cannot bestow anything. That is why in order to grant Sudama what He wanted to give him, the Lord has to snatch away his tiny bundle. Only when we surrender all to Him, does He abide eternally with us.



When our maternal cousins visited us on certain occasions, our parents gave us special instructions such as, "Do not say anything that might hurt their feelings. Behave nicely with them even if they do any mischief or are rude to you, and not only when they behave well. Then alone can we say, 'How generous are our children!' It will be a matter of pride for us."



Once my father rendered great help to a relative, financial and otherwise. Still that person's behaviour towards our family was disagreeable and this greatly angered my mother. My father then told her, "There is nothing unusual in treating someone well who behaves decently. To do so even when he mistreats you, would show the generosity and nobility of your nature." I remember very well how these words calmed my mother.



Whenever we were to visit somebody our mother would



Page-21





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



instruct: "Remember, work is appreciated by everyone, so wherever you go do some useful work and do not keep playing or sit idle." In this regard our mother was very particular. She inculcated in us four brothers the habit of working and being useful to others. In those days, certain chores such as sweeping, fetching water and washing vessels were done only by girls. But it was not so in our house. We boys were made to do all these things. I recall my mother once asked my sister who had just swept the room, "Have you finished sweeping?" When she said yes, my mother pointed out the corners behind the doors: "Have you cleaned here?" My father told us that whatever the work, if one does it methodically and with an attitude to do better, we learn more and more things.



In my work with the Mother all that my parents taught me about work proved very useful. Mother was always happy with my work, and often expressed her happiness in words.



Nowadays, when I read letters sent to me, I recall my father's remarks regarding handwriting. He often told to me, "Your writing resembles brambles. You should form the habit of writing in fine curved letters. In the beginning the letters may not be well formed but if you write slowly, patiently and attentively, they are bound to improve." Then pointing to certain letters in my writing he said, "See these? How nicely they are shaped. There are others like them. So, if you decide to write beautifully, and remember your decision, you will be able to do it."



Along with such encouragement he would also give specific hints. One must always re-read what one has written so as to correct mistakes and make certain that the reader will not mistake one word for another. Sometimes letters are illegible and the reader is put to much trouble. This should not happen. He would stress the point about legibility and ask me never to forget it. My father's handwriting was remarkably beautiful; while our letters largely depended on the kind of pen or nib we used, his came out the same, whatever he wrote with.



"When you write a letter," he would say, "pay great attention to the words as well as the numbers in the address on the envelope. Practice makes one a good scribe, so form the good habit from now and your handwriting will become beautiful."



Page-22





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Recently, a man came to me with a family problem. "My wife is simple, kind-hearted and innocent, but the behaviour of other family members towards her is not good. They constantly insult her and are often unjust to her, treating her as if she were insane. I am unable to say anything to my elders. As yet I am neutral, but what should I do?" Then by Mother's grace I was reminded of an incident my father told me in my childhood. I recount it here because it may help some in their own progress and in their behaviour with others.



My father had a lawyer friend whose wife was mad but he took extremely good care of her. Sometimes for this he had to disregard others in the family, yet he always favoured her. His family complained about this to my father who also saw for himself that his friend did take excessive care of his mad wife.



One day my father asked him, "Don't you think you are doing too much for your wife?" (My father had many admirers and devotees but only one friend, this lawyer.) He replied, "I understand all this. Don't I know that my wife is mad? But do you know what her plight would be if I were not partial to her — how my relatives would treat her in my absence? Now, in order not to displease me, they behave nicely with her. If she had not been mad, if she had even a little understanding of things, I would certainly not act like this. But since she is not sane, unless I behave as I am doing, my wife would be totally neglected by all, I know that too. It is only sometimes that they have to suffer some inconveniences. But I do consider their needs and am careful not to neglect or disregard them; I am always conscious of that. Now do you have anything to say? The others have someone or the other to support and console them, but who is for her? Because I take care of this mad woman others behave properly with her. That is human nature. In a family, we have to sacrifice something for every individual. I am not as blind to my wife's shortcomings as they think, I can see very well who is at fault and who is not. Tell me, do you want me to prove it? If I change my behaviour towards her, in just two days the behaviour of the rest towards her will change and then you will see the pitiable fate that will befall her."



Page-23

The Hand of Grace

Part I-RECOLLECTIONS AND DIARY NOTES

LOOKING BACK: THE HAND OF GRACE

I was a simple lad, .somewhat introverted, unable to mix freely with others, with little understanding of things. I had no interest in studies. My teacher, whatever else he may have been, was always friendly. Another teacher was a friend of my father's and he felt he could exercise all rights upon me and say whatever he pleased. In the classroom he would openly ask me questions which I could not answer, then mock at me saying that I had grown only in body but not in mind. The students would naturally laugh and he joined in the laughter. I could do nothing about it except pray to God to reduce my body. But apparently He did not hear my prayer, for my body continued to be robust and I was nicknamed Ganesh.

In 1918, when I was fifteen, I joined the Jnanaganga abhyasagriha. [study-home] opened that year by the famous academician Dr. Pandya in our town Patan. It was run by my mother's maternal uncle, Manilal Dave.¹ Students would spend the whole day there except meal times when they would go to their homes. I was very happy there.

Every year one of my paternal uncles used to go to a Shiva temple in a village near our town for a month-long puja in the holy month of shravan. When he passed away, my father asked me to perform that puja. I accepted on condition that after the month was over and I returned home, I would not rejoin regular school. He agreed. At the end of the month, I stopped going to school but continued in the abhyasagriha.

Somehow, a copy of Ramakrishna- Kathamrita came into my hands at this time and I devoured it avidly. I lost interest in everything. But I retained my interest in the akhada [gymnasium] which was popular in our town and where I went regularly, not so much for doing the exercise as to enjoy the freedom of the place. There I met Punamchandbhai, a very popular man who had a well-built body like that of the famous wrestler Sandow. I learnt that he not only looked after the boys' exercises, but also followed the Yoga of Sri Aurobindo. I met him at his house. I was much influenced by him. Mother was to tell me later how hard she had to work to remove his influence over me; it remained

Page-3
with me till 1930 when I was 27.

Some time later Shri Kesarlal Dikshit - a disciple of Sri Aurobindo and a very respected figure in the educational circles in those days — came there and met Punamchandbhai. Both of them decided to go to Kashibhai's place near Bharooch [on the estuary of the N armada]. Punamchandbhai asked me to proceed with Dikshitbhai and said he would follow, along with his wife. Although my father knew very well that I would not be doing any studies there and it was only an excuse to leave home, he raised no objection. He did not believe in imposing anything on children after a certain age and simply kept quiet. My mother (whom we called jl) had two brothers. The younger was highly educated and took a deep interest in us. He had a very close relationship with Dikshitbhai. So my jl consulted him. When Dikshitbhai learnt of their reluctance to send me, he came to my father and said to him; "I am asking for bhiksha [alms], give me Champak. He is a jewel wrapped in rags." Father consented. That was how I left home when I was 17.


The ashram was on the island of Kansia , a few miles from Bharooch town. It was a fine place on the estates of Kashibhai, Kamala's father. He led a spiritual life and used to invite saintly personalities to stay there so that all of us who lived there could benefit by the satsang and build up good sanskara. He had invited Dikshitbhai to come there, Dikshitbhai' s wife and son were already there when he and I reached the ashram. Kamala was then 5 years old. Later, Punamchandbhai and his wife Champaben, and Chimanlal, elder brother of Kesarimal [who later opened the Ayurvedic Section in Sri Aurobindo Ashram], arrived". Kanti, brother of Chandulal and Vasudha2, left his college and joined us. Also came Natwarlal. Though in the beginning we had separate kitchens, after some time there was one joint kitchen along with Kashibhai's family. Dikshitbhai was the director of the ashram. A book can be written about what I learnt from him and about the history and management of this ashram.



Kashibhai's brother Haribhai lived in Bharooch and was a political leader at that time. Many important people used to visit him; I remember seeing C.F. Andrews at his place. Sri Aurobindo



Page - 4
considered Haribhai exceptional enough to give him instructions in sadhana even though he accepted the Swaminarayan cult after retiring from politics. I learnt that the instructions were such that Haribhai could go his own way helped by them.



Kanti and I went to Haribhai's house on the day of Ramakrishna Jayanti. We meditated there. Our desire to see Sri Aurobindo increased so much that I wrote to my aunt Motibai (my father's sister) about it. She had loved me very much from my childhood and I felt I must inform her. I did not want anything from home. She did not reply. I learnt later that she had not received my letter at all.



I told Dikshitbhai that we intended to go walking to Pondicherry. He declined to send us that way, on our own. He talked to Punamchandbhai and decided that all of us should start together. Dikshitbhai, Punamchandbhai and his wife Champaben, Zaverben whose husband Narayanbhai was Kashibhai's munim [estate manager], Chimanlal, Natwarlal, Kanti and myself formed the group. Dikshitbhai' s son and the son of Dikshitbhai' s maternal aunt also started with us but they went back from the next village.



We came to Navasari where Punditji, a disciple of Motilal Roy of Chandernagore, ran an ashram and published books in Gujarari. We stayed there for a while. I did not know what the elders of our party told him, but I learnt that we were to make sandals, sell them on the way and travel on the proceeds. Kanti knew how to make sandals. One big bag of leather was procured; we had to carry it by turns. Once while crossing a bridge over a river, Kanti was so tired that he wanted to throw the whole bag into the waters! Somehow he did not do that. At last we came to Bilimora from where three of us, myself, Kanti and Natwar, were to be sent by train to Bombay. I learnt that Champaben's ornaments were mortgaged in the town and tickets were purchased for us with that money. At Bombay we went to the bungalow of a disciple of Dikshitbhai, a businessman of Ghatkopar. Dikshitbhai had given us a letter of introduction to him. We procured a letter from a high railway officer, Motilal Mehta, to a certain Narandas (a C.I.D. man!) in Pondicherry. We were to stay at his place. How we met him and what happened subsequently I shall tell you next.

Page-5
By the way, in the course of our journey, we all had gone for a bath in a river. Zaverben came with us saying that she could swim. While I was enjoying myself in the water, I suddenly noticed that she was struggling to keep her head above the water; as soon as I swam close to her, she caught hold of me. Somehow I extricated myself and managed to pull her back into shallow waters. I do not know how I did it or how I got the strength to save both of us. Obviously I had to come to Pondicherry. The Grace works in many ways.

Meeting an avadhut

In 1921, after returning from my first meeting with Sri Aurobindo, I accompanied my father and my aunt Motiben on their pilgrimage to Nashik, Tryambakeshwar, etc. On our way back we visited Chanod and Karnali' where we bathed in the holy Narmada. The stone stairs of the ghat along the river start unusually higher than the level of the water. I was sitting on the topmost stair, enjoying Nature's beauty all around, when suddenly I heard someone singing in a grand but melodious and soothing voice. Two lines of this song specially drew my attention:



The Soul is all, the Soul is all is the refrain;

But who gives up this bodily attachment?

These words were sung again and again, and were infused with

Page-27

such feeling that they could penetrate the listener's heart and awaken his inner consciousness.

The voice came from the window of a house on the riverside. I was attracted to it and felt like going there. While I was wondering which way to go, a student passed by on his way to the ghat. I asked him, "Which way should I go if I wish to meet the singer of this melody?" He said, "It is not possible to go there now. You are extremely fortunate to have heard him sing at this time. He sings only at the evening collective devotional singing; and he never meets anyone, whosoever it may be. But all are allowed to attend the evening singing; that is the only time you will be able to meet him."

C: "What is his name?"

Student: "He calls himself Paagal [Madman], Ghanchakkar [Idiot] etc. His real name is Janardan."

C: "I want to go there; will you show me the way?"


Student: "There is no point in going there now. It will be in vain. Even if you go, he will definitely not open the door."

But I made him show me the way and managed to reach the place on my own. I knocked on the door and at once it was flung open as though he had been waiting just behind it for me. I was astonished to see him; it was the same saint I had met at Jhadeshwar2 — his father was once Kashibhai's secretary! There was a lady beside him and he told her, "Now you see? Hasn't he come?" Turning to me he said, "I saw you sitting there. At this time I rarely open my window and look out, but today I spontaneously opened it and looked to where you were sitting and felt impelled to call you here. I told this lady that the man who is sitting there will soon come, for I am going to call him. Then I sat down with the tanpura. I sang just to bring you here. And see, you have arrived! Otherwise, I never sing at this time."
Then he asked me to attend the collective singing in the evening. My father, aunt and I went there. Some of his melodies were so touching and so simple that they just stuck in my memory:

Abandoning your hankering after earthly tastes,
Echo, 0 tongue, His nectarous Name.

Page-28


Who is Chhagan and who is Magan, who Chandu or Bandu, Mere illusions are these names and forms!

When vairagya has not stung you,

what can your guru do?

When there is no child in the womb,
what can the midwife do?

Thus we saw that he was an impromptu composer. These couplets seem quite ordinary but when he sang them the effect was so powerful that one would forget everything and just sit there. At Jhadeshwar, I had seen Kamala's father spend the whole day in his company. He used to keep a dhuni [a sacred fire tended with pungent herbs etc.] constantly lit in front of him. His massive physique reminded one of Bhimasen of the Mahabharata but his loving and carefree personality captivated everyone. As we were already concentrated on Sri Aurobindo's yoga, his personality did not touch us to that extent, but had I nor already come in contact with Sri Aurobindo, I might have joined him.



To resume the tale of Chandod-Karnali. After he finished singing in the evening he told me, "Come tomorrow to my house at midnight. I will take you to an avadhut [ascetic]. Even if he abuses you or loses his temper and asks you to get out, do not leave." The next night we went to the avadhut. His fair complexion and white beard added to his luminous personality. He was sitting peacefully in front of his dhuni. Smilingly softly at me, he gestured to me to sit near him and asked: "Is it going on constantly this way?" At that time I was following the sadhana given by Sri Aurobindo. I replied, "I am trying." Then he said, " Jumna maiya will fulfil your sankalpa. I can see your Guru behind your head. Jumna maiya will help you attain your goal. I may get a chance to meet you again." He thus welcomed me very nicely and instead of abusing, blessed me.



On our way back, I was shown another sadhu, but from a distance: "That man too is a saint." His dress was in tatters and his actions seemed those of a madman; but he was only pretending to be mad, so that people stayed away from him. He filled a vessel



Page-29
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

with water from the river and, standing on the last step of the ghat, splashed it all around. I had met this 'mad' sadhu before in a small hut in Jhadeshwar and had been very impressed by his carefree nature. He had spoken a lot about Swami Ramatirth but as we had already met Sri Aurobindo, we enjoyed his company without being overwhelmed. When we first met, he wanted to make me his disciple. But nowadays, when we meet, he introduces me to his disciples as his close friend.

1. Chandod is on a tributary of the Narmada; Karnali, only a few kilometers away, is on the Narmada. It was during a visit to Karnali that Sri Aurobindo had a vision of the World Mother in a Kali temple. He described it in his poem "The Stone Goddess". Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, December 1978, pp. 209- 10.

2. Jhadeshwar is near Bharooch; both are on the estuary of the Narmada.

3. Mother Jamuna or Yamuna - a holy river of North India.